I'm Proud of You

I'm PROUD of you! Have you ever longed to hear these words from someone that you look up to?  I know I have.  Growing up that's all I wanted to hear from the one person that I thought could fix anything.  I wanted to be just like him.  And more than anything I wanted him to be proud of me.  

Well one day a couple years ago I finally got tired of feeling like I was disappointing him and in the kindest way I knew how (which you will come to know was not very kind,  but God has softened my heart a lot) I asked him why he was not proud of me.  You can only guess what he replied.  He asked me "what are you talking about? Of course I'm proud of you" Well there I stood shocked because I never knew.  So he proceeded to ask me "why would you think that I was not proud of you?" and I replied in a whisper "because you never tell me." He looked me in my tear filled eyes and said "i didn't know you felt this way. I am so proud of you, and I would not trade you for the world."  Now if you knew the back story here you, would have been shocked too.

Now some of you may think that this is a made up story but its not.  Not only did this moment change my life but it also got me thinking. What? he was proud of me this whole time and I never knew it. Why did he not just tell me? Why did it matter so much for him to say he was proud of me? If it mattered that much, why did it take me so long to JUST ASK HIM? What made me so sure that he was not proud of me?  and the list went on.

Here's what i came up with...
1. It was easier to be angry that to be vulnerable.
2. The fear of him validating my thoughts was too big a mountain to conquer
3. all the what if scenarios  stopped me from simply asking
4. He was my dad, the older one, he should have just told me  

This fear kept me from SO much.  I should have asked him sooner. It would have saved me a lot of heart ache.  But it showed him something too. It showed him that he needed to tell me.  Not just when he is disappointed in a decision that I've made but when he is proud of me.  So here is my challenge to you.  If you want to know something just ask, regardless of what the answer may be, or how you think some one is going to look at you.  You might save yourself years of heartache.  And to all you dads out there tell your kids that you love them, care about them, think they are great, and that you are Proud of them.  It means more than you will ever know.  To all my "what if'ers"  and my fear full people: take up the shroud of courage(which i will have you know is not the absence of fear, just stepping past it) and go and ask....because maybe just maybe whoever your "him" is doesn't know.  

this post is dedicated to my dad...who I wouldn't trade for the world! 

BattleCry Event Specialist

For those of you that dont know I am currently volunteering as an event specialist for the Greater NY Battlecry. Before I go on and tell you more about that, many of you may be wondering what Battlecry (BC) is.  ( Well the Greater NY Battlecry is a 2 day youth conference that confronts many issues that teens face in their everyday lives.  The events speakers take these issues and challenge the young adults that attend to make better life choices.  The speakers also challenge the teens to live a life that is pleasing to Christ.  The event is not only for teens,  there are sessions that are geared toward youth pastors and parents as well.  Over all this conference uses many different forms of interactive content to compel teens to wake up and stand up for what they say they believe in.)
I am really excited because I am beginning to see the fruits of my labor.  This past week I worked a ton of over time but I am so happy that I did.  My call team and I collectively registered over 2,000 people for the BC event.  We are currently a little over 1,000 registrations away from registering our base goal.  But I am excited because management is talking about opening more sections for the conference.

This event means a lot to me because it was at this event that God showed me the areas in my life that I needed to give over to Him. It was also at this event that I grasped the meaning of "actions speak louder than words."  Although I will not go into all of it right now I will say that the Lord has a funny way of doing things/ getting our attention.

The Greater NY BattleCry is going to be at the IZOD Center in the Meadowlands on April 16-17.  The theme for this years conference is the Encounter.  It is all about the Love of God.  There is also going to be some great music artist at the event as well.  Hilsong United, Canton Jones, Salvador, and Bishop Hezekiah Walker. The speakers for the event are going to be Ron Luce, Nick Vujicic, plus more to come.  If you are in the NY area and are not busy register and come out to the BattleCry.

Trust

Trust is a funny thing.  It is easier to trust a person that you know well rather than a person that you dont know at all.  But the funny thing about trust is somewhere doubt always exists.  Even when you want to believe and trust with your whole heart their is a nagging voice that calls to you. A voice that drops little nuggets of doubt in your mind. Now I dont know about you but this mostly happens to me when people get involved.   For example, I dont have that thought when I am about to sit in a chair. However, when it comes to people I am so hesitant to trust.  I hesitate to believe what is told to me.  But I am learning that the mistrust that I have in "man" should not be transfered to God, even though it is easier to mistrust Him at time than to believe His word.  Trust takes a great deal of faith. I never really knew what it ment to trust God.  I never really had to do it before.  However now that I am, what I can best describe as a full time Missionary, I find my self in a trial by fire situation.  I left it all behind, and please dont get me wrong, I do not regret my decision by any means,I am just saying that this part of my journey is rough.  I am miss independent, and i find that I have the biggest struggle any time that Money is involved.  I struggle because my pride gets in the way. My life is more fun and I am happier when I relinquish the control that I so dearly love over to God.  I do have moment where I freak out, and start to worry but then this voice reminds me that God is sovereign. I just forget to trust.  I am scared to trust.  The uncertainty, and worry threatens to over take me,  but I know the truth.  I know that God is a provider.  I guess what I am trying to say is that TRUST is a funny thing because it takes faith to trust, not Just in people but in God.  You have to be sure of what is hoped for and certain of what you dont see and thats tough. But I love that with trust comes grace.  A measure of grace that let me try all over again to get it right.  

I am so bad at this

I am  so sorry yall. I am so bad at this.  I am going to get better I am going to start updating this blog a lot more.  This is basically how the blog is going to look.  It is going to be a weekly update of my time in Texas(the next 6 months).  I am learning so much and I just wanted to share it. 

For those of you that know me I am still the same Lydia that you all know and love, but my rough edges are becoming refined. I am really out of my comfort zone out here in East Texas, really learning to call on the name of Jesus in my hard times as well as the good times.

I really want to come home, after this year is over, and make a difference.  I know that is the in thing to say now a days but I have been learning about the call that God places on each of our lives.  I just want to be a good witness.  I want my word to mean something.  I want the words that come out of my mouth to match the actions I take in my every day life.  I will never be flawless or perfect by any means, so please dont think that, this blog like its name is all about my Journey.  If you dont agree with something that I post please let me know and we can discuss it.  I just want to share my heart in this blog and hopefully touch yours.  Peace And Love.

God Bless